Winning is such a major feature of western culture, it makes its way into the subtle corners of our everyday lives. We may want to win a promotion, an argument, a person, or a game. Winning makes us feel good, while losing makes us miserable. This is beautifully shown in Chariots of Fire (1981), a film which reveals the crucial importance of competition and winning for human beings, in this case, men. The two main characters of the film are juxtaposed, Harold Abrams (played by Ben Cross) is addicted to winning, so he sacrifices himself for it, while Eric Liddell (played by Ian Charleston), is more concerned with his higher Christian calling than winning any race. While Abrams runs for acclaim, Liddell runs for fun and to honor his gift from God, which is his speed.

As we watch Abrams, we see how an addiction to winning is both a cause of suffering and also a path to glory. We are drawn into Abrams' struggle because we share his desire to win. Yet, it is Liddell who teaches us how to compete without being addicted to winning. As we watch him run with a remarkable degree of emotional detachment from his efforts, we discover what we miss when winning is a compulsion, which is the enjoyment of competition for its own sake. If you are like Abrams and need to win to feel good about yourself, then "Me Champ" one of the movies in your mind.

Your movie

In a moment, you will use your imagination to get a clearer picture of your inner movie about winning. The point of understanding this pattern of thoughts, feelings, and effects is to deepen your awareness of its dynamics and impact, so you can make conscious choices and create a new movie to live within.

Recall a time when you were bent on winning or lost and felt terrible. Close your eyes and replay the experience in your imagination. Then, write a brief description of that drama below, carefully including the thoughts that supported it, the feelings that arose from those thoughts, and how those feelings affected what you said and did. (Enter your response in the following box or in your word processor window.)

What effects did this drama have on you and others?

Consequences

Briefly describe what you get from your strong desire to win. What are the payoffs?

Briefly describe the price you pay for it. What parts of yourself and your life do you sacrifice when winning is everything and losing feels like a disgrace?

Is what you are getting in payoffs worth the sacrifices you are making? Explain.

New choices

Having become more aware of this movie, including what you get from it and what you sacrifice, what new choices in thinking and being are revealed to you? Note them.

Creating a new movie

Relying on those choices and your creativity, sketch out ideas for a different movie which incorporates new ways of thinking and being. As you create your new movie, be aware that you are of two minds because you have a dual nature. Your duality gives you the capacity to shift from one thought to its opposite in a search for balance. For example, there is a part of you that does not need to win to prove your value and can lose gracefully as a consequence. How will cultivating that capacity alter how you live?

As you look back on your work, identify the first step you will take to make the changes you designed.

With your eyes closed, imagine living in the new movie you created.

There is a part of us that wants the acclaim of winning. It is what drives many of us to achieve. Winning a game, a promotion, or an argument makes us feel good, which is why we keep trying to win. We want to reexperience the high and the rewards that winning produces. When we become addicted to winning, it can seriously undermine our self control, effectiveness, relationships, and the overall quality of our lives. We may get to a point where we need to win in order to feel good about ourselves. When we lose our balance in that way, our lives are likely to start falling apart.

Winning and being able to lose gracefully are aspects of our duality. When we have access to both possibilities, we can strive to win with all our power, but, if we lose, we can accept it gracefully without ruining our day. Free to win or lose, we are able to maintain our balance and therefore our capacity for sustained well-being.

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